My name is Jen Rollins and I fully believe in things that others do not. No, I’m not talking about Sandy Claws (I love Nightmare Before Christmas) or the Easter Bunny, I’m talking about things that resonate deep within my soul. Things that help me make fast decisions and lead my intuition. Things that make my heart smile.
Well, I went camping. Yes, this diva slept on the ground and ate food cooked on a camp fire for 2 days at China Creek Campground in Port Alberni. A place I’ve never been doing an activity I’ve never done. What can go wrong?
It’s not a secret that I don’t like camping. I’m a bit of a diva, okay, maybe more that a bit of a diva. When kids my age were learning how to fish and hunt, I was learning how to order my favourite Starbucks drink. I bypassed playing on the monkey bars for reading a novel in the shade. Just last year I was teased for wearing mascara while swimming in the Nymph Falls bowls. In my defence, it was waterproof mascara.
When I moved to the Comox Valley on Vancouver Island, I thought things would stay the same. I find this hilarious looking back on it now because I also thought things wouldn’t change when I had kids and well, I can tell you everything changed.
The girls and I have spent the last couple of days in PJ’s resting, snuggling, and being in each other’s company. Taking this down time has been really strange. You’d think that we’d have cabin fever and want to explore and do ALL THE THINGS, but no. We’re exhausted.
2017 was an absolute whirlwind. From December 2016 right up until January 2018, our life was a set of doing one thing after another, rushing around, and for me, tons and tones of emotional and mental labour as I worked through safely moving my little family 1300km across provinces.
I’ve hit a bit of a dip in my spirits lately. When I first got here everything was magic and newness and adventures. Now, I’ve hit the find a dentist and a family doctor, schedule the car maintenance, figure out a daily routine and get back to workphase. And well, it’s necessary but kinda boring.
My life is amazing. I have an incredible life with my two mermaids. I live in paradise – with the ocean, forest, lakes, and mountains surrounding me. I have a super cool purple house and a purple car (hmmm…I sense a theme here). I have wonderful talents and abilities that let me have the flexibility to really enjoy my life and make an impact in people’s lives. And I’m surrounded by the most amazing friends anyone could ask for.
I call my daughters mermaids as they’re always in the water or thinking about water. After being in Edmonton for the last month with their dad, they got off the plane and begged to go to the ocean (who could blame them), then check out the new splash park in Comox. Now that’s supper is done, they want either a bath or to jump through the sprinkler. They’re water babies through and through.
Today I was asked what safety looked like for me and what it felt like. As a super visual and creative person, it’s one of the first time that I’ve been speechless. I couldn’t come up with a single idea
There was a time in my life where I took great pride in not doing things. My best friend and I were perfectly content drinking copious amount of iced coffee, eating vegan food, working, and going to the bar. That rounded out our responsibilities and day-to-day activities.
We barely cooked outside of after the bar meals – red labeled Ichiban, hash browns, and sometimes pasta. We didn’t cross the bridge to go downtown or leave Whyte Ave unless there was a good show or we absolutely had to. We walked a lot but didn’t own a pair of running shoes because they were ugly and well, we didn’t run. In fact, when people asked us to adventure outside of our routine, we would reply “We don’t do things” and laugh.
14 years ago today, I put in on a gorgeous wedding dress and married the man who I thought would be with me until death. 14 years ago today, I said “I do” to future I wanted more than anything while pushing my intuition & needs away.
When I was packing my things up to move to Vancouver Island, I found a giant pile of old journals. I didn’t know what to do with them, so I opened each one up and read the pages of the last 30 years of my life. Some of the pages made me smile, some made me cringe, and a lot made me cry.
The things I said to myself broke my heart. I wrote that I was fat, ugly, unwanted, unloved, stupid, gross, sad, closed off, and I spent way too much time chasing after guys who simply weren’t interested or it was bad timing.