Adventure Seeker Blog

You Actually Like Sleeping On the Ground?

Well, I went camping. Yes, this diva slept on the ground and ate food cooked on a camp fire for 2 days at China Creek Campground in Port Alberni. A place I’ve never been doing an activity I’ve never done. What can go wrong?

It’s not a secret that I don’t like camping. I’m a bit of a diva, okay, maybe more that a bit of a diva. When kids my age were learning how to fish and hunt, I was learning how to order my favourite Starbucks drink. I bypassed playing on the monkey bars for reading a novel in the shade. Just last year I was teased for wearing mascara while swimming in the Nymph Falls bowls. In my defence, it was waterproof mascara.

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Am I Too Much For This World?

I can’t even begin to start counting the times I’ve felt too much for this world – too loud, too energetic, too broken, too dramatic, too proud.

I can’t even begin to start counting the times I’ve felt too much for this world.

  • Too loud
  • Too energetic
  • Too caring
  • Too broken
  • Too sensitive
  • Too big
  • Too ambitious
  • Too connected
  • Too empathetic
  • Too available
  • Too intrusive
  • Too bossy
  • Too dramatic
  • Too flighty
  • Too judgemental
  • Too proud
  • Too needy

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Contentment is Weird

So, what happened after the move, after buying my house – Matilda, and after starting a new position at The Update Company? Honestly, something really weird happened. I guess it’s called contentment…”a state of happiness and satisfaction.”

So, what happened after the move, after buying my house – Matilda and after starting a new position at The Update Company? Honestly, something really weird happened. I guess it’s called contentment…”a state of happiness and satisfaction.”

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Big Happy News

I have some big happy news, I’m starting a new role as a Digital Lead Generation Specialist at an awesome company in Cumberland, BC on Vancouver Island.

When I moved to the Comox Valley on Vancouver Island, I thought things would stay the same. I find this hilarious looking back on it now because I also thought things wouldn’t change when I had kids and well, I can tell you everything changed.

Other than being a mom, having a little Purple Scion, and my dog, everything changed this year. New location, one place to rent and one place I now own, new kitten, new bikes, new furniture, new friends and local support system, new online relationships with my existing friends versus Remedy, Tea Girl, and Cafe Haven, new solo mom duties, new websites, deepened spiritual abilities. It’s been a whirlwind of awesome and to continue down that path, I’m starting a new role!

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What I Learned in 2017

Review of 2017 – what I’ve learned over the past year while I moved my family from Edmonton, Alberta to Courtenay, BC, on Vancouver Island.

The girls and I have spent the last couple of days in PJ’s resting, snuggling, and being in each other’s company. Taking this down time has been really strange. You’d think that we’d have cabin fever and want to explore and do ALL THE THINGS, but no. We’re exhausted.

2017 was an absolute whirlwind. From December 2016 right up until January 2018, our life was a set of doing one thing after another, rushing around, and for me, tons and tones of emotional and mental labour as I worked through safely moving my little family 1300km across provinces.

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I’ve Hit a Dip in My Spirits

It’s been 8 months since my move to Courtenay on the gorgeous Vancouver Island. I’ve gone through all of the emotions and feelings you can imagine but right now, I’m feeling meh.

8 months. It’s been 8 months since my move here to Courtenay on the gorgeous Vancouver Island. In some ways it feels like I’ve been here a much shorter time and in others it feels like I’ve been here forever.

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The view outside my vet clinic

I’ve hit a bit of a dip in my spirits lately. When I first got here everything was magic and newness and adventures. Now, I’ve hit the find a dentist and a family doctor, schedule the car maintenance, figure out a daily routine and get back to work phase. And well, it’s necessary but kinda boring. 

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I Made Myself Miserable and Loved It

I’ll admit it, I used to be the girl who was addicted to drama and chaos. I spent a lot of time making things way bigger than they actually were and would bring other people into it. Instead of going inward, I always went outward

I’ll admit it, I used to be the girl who was addicted to drama and chaos. I spent a lot of time making things way bigger than they actually were and would bring other people into it. Instead of going inward, I always went outward. I craved people telling me that I was right in my thinking and to help me move everything into a place where I felt vindicated about making myself a victim. The hard part is that I knew it was wrong but I kept going.

When I look back at that time in my life, I can see huge patterns that I held. The more I shared about the drama and chaos that was happening in my life, the more friends I had and the more I felt like I was right. It fed my ego and the space within me that told me didn’t deserve happiness or real love. It fed my fears and anxieties. It fed the anger in my core and stopped me from being able to sleep, nourish myself well, or even be truly present in my own life. In fact, the need for chaos and drama led me into relationships with people who were on the same path. I did the same for others that I craved for myself.

We attract what we think and feel. 

The pattern of bringing in turmoil and fear was a super strong one. I realize now that I was attracting and creating it to keep my core self safe. The more energy I spent on outside things that I couldn’t control, the more I masked my real feelings. Deal with the feelings from my divorce and the abuse I went through – nope, let’s jump right into job stress, dating guys I knew weren’t right for me, obsessing with money, and spending hours upon hours talking about everything that was wrong with my life to anyone that would listen.

I was making myself miserable and loving it. 

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Sad eyes tell it all

When you spend almost your whole life waiting for something bad to happen, it actually feels good when it does. The “Of course this is happening. Of course this is happening now. Of course this is happening to me.” pattern took over my mind. Then I could turn around and tell the world “See, I told you so!”. I couldn’t see what I was doing as I was so deep in it.

I remember the day I decided I needed to take control of my own life. That I didn’t need to continue down the path of feeding myself negative thoughts and feelings or feeding others in theirs. That I did deserve happiness and real love. I took out my journal and started writing out things I deserved, mind you I didn’t believe them, but I kept writing anyway.

As I wrote, the tears started flowing and I ended up in the beginning of a panic attack. These feeling of release, tears, pain, anger, these were all feelings my body and mind didn’t want to feel, so it took me into fight or flight and wanted me to move my mind into cleaning the house. It’s much easier to stay in our patters, even if they’re terrible ones, as that’s what my body know. This was the first time I didn’t pick up a washcloth or spray bottle and used my breath to calm my body down instead. Felt like it took forever but the panic started going down and I felt fuzzy and tired, but not frantic.

Each time I felt myself going back into the pattern of drama, chaos, and negative self talk, I said the words “I am safe. I am loved. I am supported”, watched my breathing, and put my feet firmly on the floor to ground myself. I can’t say that my panic and anxiety attacks have completely stopped, but I can tell you that they don’t affect me as much as they did before and that I can move quickly through them.

The patterns are breaking. 

In continuing to break this pattern, I’ve given my body the ability to know how to be full without holding onto negative thoughts and feelings, anger, and pain. I’ve given my mind the ability to focus on the present moment and to trust that things are always going to be okay. I’ve given my soul the space to enhance my spiritual abilities in ways that I could never have imagined – like fully channeling people who have passed over. I’ve even started taking NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Master Practitioner classes to help others break their own patterns, heal trauma, find their own successes, and become more resilient.

I feel like a whole new person. 

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So much happiness now

 

Bravely Repatterning Forward

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