*For the first time in 26 years, poetry flowed out of my mind and into my hands. I’m a little nervous about posting but here it is.*
I fell for so many things.
Naive, optimistic, sees the best.
I fell for the words, the emotions, the lust.
I wanted to fall. I wanted to believe. I wanted to be “the one”.
I believed it so hard my heart sang, blue was more blue, and everything smelled better.
I saw visions of our future together. It filled me with joy.
I wanted it all. I wanted to be whole. I wanted it so much.
Each time I fell I felt closer to my core.
But I always fell too fast, too hard, too much. I gave too much away.
Rejection came fast. The hurt took over. Feelings of not being enough smothered me.
I fell again and again and again. Until my body hurt from picking itself up. Until my heart hurt from beating too quickly. Until my soul cried in pain.
Until I decided to build my own safety net. Healing comes in, pain goes out. It keeps me still.
Soon I won’t need this net. Soon I will know I’m enough. Soon I will trust I am whole. As is.
I will trust in who I am. I will know I’m worthy of great love.
No more falling. I’ll jump when I’m ready. I’ll jump when I know there’s someone worthy of catching me. I’ll jump knowing the risk is well worth the reward. I’ll jump with my eyes open.
Bravely Writing Forward