I’ve spent the majority of my life saving other people. I was the one who looked after my siblings and made sure they got to school. I made sure they brushed their teeth and fought to make sure they ate. I was the one they turned to when they needed things as I also parented my mom, who in all reality became a mom much too young and took on responsibilities that she wasn’t ready for. I had to step up and take over because I was scared of the alternative. If no one was going to look after us and make sure we were safe, I had to take the job. There was no alternative.
I’ve taken this into almost every relationship I’ve been in. When stress comes into play, I go into savior mode to make sure everyone is safe and looked after. I will do anything it takes. It’s who I’ve been trained to be – Ms. Relaxed Under Pressure, Ms. Fix Everything, Ms. I Got This. It’s almost like I have an addiction to being needed and wanted as I’ve dropped everything to help.
I’ve been doing this since I was a very small child and you know what? I’m damn tired. I’m tired of coming up with solutions in the moment that end up putting me into adrenal fatigue and financially distress because someone needed it. It’s also time that I admitted to myself that I typically offer way before even being asked. It’s what I do… or what I did.
I’ve put so much of myself out there and been so hurt. From being taken advantage of to being ghosted instead of being paid back a large sum of money. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t do this anymore.
I’m seeing now that I can be kind, compassionate, and caring and not be a pushover. I seeing now that I can offer support and love without putting myself out. I can put my needs first and still have really meaningful, amazing relationships with people. I can have boundaries and still help.
This move is pushing me to breaking points where I’m being forced to learn some big life lessons. I’ll be honest, this last month has been really hard on me and I’m still trying to find my footing. I’ve been grieving people, places, and things and I haven’t been my best. I’ve been sad, angry, frustrated, and have hurt people I love. It’s so cliche that we hurt the ones we love but it’s so true. Hurt people hurt people.
So, starting today – February 26, 2017 at 7:50pm, I’m journaling out healthy boundaries for myself and what this looks like in my relationships. I’m moving forward knowing that any type of relationship – friendship, romantic, and co-parenting need to be mutually beneficial in the good times and through hard times. That we’re all fighting together for the same thing and have common interests, that my needs are being met as are theirs, and lastly, and most importantly, I’m taking the time to listen to my intuition before jumping in. Time to change the tides to happy people are surrounded by happy people.
Things will get better.
Bravely Saving Myself