This week has been the weirdest mix of happiness and pain. For every step forward, it feels like I’m taking one step back. It’s a dance lead by mood swings and big change. One minute, I’m so happy and feel absolute bliss, the next minute I am sad that things are going to change so dramatically in the next 7 weeks.
This move needs to happen. I love Edmonton and it will always be home, but it’s time to go. I want to raise my girls in a smaller place where we can focus on nature on a higher energetic level. I want to slow down our lives and to be away from the “GO! GO! GO!” traffic filled, concrete jungle that Edmonton is now.
I grew up in Blackfaulds, Red Deer, and Sylvan Lake before moving to Edmonton in 1988 and I want my girls to experience small town/small city life as I did. I want to give them a beautiful life full of experiences, happiness, and bliss in a smaller community.
I knew this was going to be hard and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written a pros and cons list about this move and considered everything and everyone. The girls and I have been talking about this for months and walking through different scenarios. I was well prepared for making these changes and moving forward but mind and heart don’t always match, do they?
We’re leaving. We’re moving forward. Yes, we are doing this. Yes, this is happening. Yes, I got this.
It was never my intent to hurt anyone during this transition but I know people are hurting. Yes, there is email, texts, Facebook, Twitter, Facetime, Skype, IM…pretty much a million ways to connect virtually, but it’s not the same as meeting for coffee, lunch, or sitting on a couch listening to records and having a drink or two or three. Endings hurt.
My hope is that the girls and I can fit as much physical, fully present time with the people we love before leave. Extra time with people who hold such big parts of our hearts. There are a lot of people that I personally need to hug, laugh, and cry with before I go. Although there isn’t a lot of time, I’m going to do my best to make it amazing for all three of us.
There are so many people in my life that I would have given anything for another 7 weeks with. Even one more day, one more hour, one more minute. Let’s make the best of it, shall we?
Bravely Walking Forward